i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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