i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
