I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
