i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
