id be glad to
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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