Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
