kristin has been a bad kristin
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
