You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
please don't ironically join a cult
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