I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
