How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
