just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
