So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
