You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
