My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
