i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
