I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
