Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
