Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
