I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
