I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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