I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
...so i touched it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
