I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
