White coat. Heels.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
