Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
