when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize