dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
