she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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