my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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