I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
