how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
