awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
