My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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