i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
