i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
