It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize