last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
