Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
