This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
