So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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