so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
