someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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