I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
