i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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