I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
