I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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