If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
