I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
