It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
