STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize