i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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