Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
