Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
