To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
