kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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