Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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