your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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