I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize