is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm at about main and main street
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
