Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
