where am i from again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
