I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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