I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize