ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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