guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
