just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
