5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
