My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
