I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
