did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just threw up on my dentist
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
