Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
